Pastoral Search Report

Hello everyone.  Praise the Lord!

Here is a fun article about a Pastoral Search by an unknown author. Enjoy.

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Pastoral Search Report

We do not have a happy report to give. We’ve not been able to find a suitable candidate for this church, though we have one promising prospect still. We do appreciate all the suggestions from the church members, and we’ve followed up each one with interviews or calling at least three references. The following is our confidential report on the present candidates.

Adam: Good man but problems with his wife. Also one reference told of how his wife and he enjoy walking nude in the woods.

Noah: Former pastorate of 120 years with no converts. Prone to unrealistic building projects.

Abraham: Though the references reported wife-swapping, the facts seem to show he never slept with another man’s wife, but did offer to share his own wife with another man.

Joseph: A big thinker, but a braggart, believes in dream-interpreting, and has a prison record.

Moses: A modest and meek man, but poor communicator, even stuttering at times. Sometimes blows his stack and acts rashly. Some say he left an earlier church over a murder charge.

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David: The most promising leader of all until we discovered the affair he had with his neighbor’s wife.

Solomon: Great preacher but our parsonage would never hold all those wives.

Elijah: Prone to depression-collapses under pressure.

Elisha: Reported to have lived with a single widow for a while.

Hosea: A tender and loving pastor but our people could never handle his wife’s occupation.

Deborah: Female.

Jeremiah: Emotionally unstable, alarmist, negative, always lamenting things, and reported to have taken a long trip to bury his underwear on the bank of foreign river.

Isaiah: On the fringe? Claims to have seen angels in church. Has trouble with his language.

Jonah: Refused God’s call into ministry until he was forced to obey by getting swallowed up by a great Whale. He told us the whale later spit him out on the shore near here. We hung up.

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Amos: Too backward and unpolished. With some seminary training he might have promise, but has a hang-up against wealthy people. Might fit in better in a poor congregation.

John: Says he is a Baptist, but definitely doesn’t dress like one. Has slept in the outdoors for months on end, has a weird diet, and provokes denominational leaders.

Peter: Too blue collar. Has a bad temper—even has been known to curse. Had a big run-in with Paul in Antioch. Aggressive, but a loose cannon.

Paul: Powerful CEO type leader and fascinating preacher. However, short on tact, unforgiving with younger ministers, harsh and has been known to preach all night.

Timothy: Too young.

Jesus: Has had popular times, but once when his church grew to 5000 he managed to offend them all and this church dwindled down to twelve people. Seldom stays in one place very long. And, of course, he’s single.

Judas: His references are solid. A steady plodder. Conservative. Good connections. Knows how to handle money. We’re inviting him to preach this Sunday.

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William James Roop

Hospice Care and Dying

The Trucking Tango

Apostolic Church History Podcast

Brother Roop teaches the Bible

41

Hello everyone.  Praise the Lord!

The number 40 is important in the Bible, but what about the number 41?

In the Bible, it rained for 40 days and 40 nights. 

Day 41 came and the rain stopped.

Moses committed murder & hid in the desert for 40 years. 

Year 41 came, and God called him to help rescue Israel.

Moses went up on the mountain for 40 days. 

On day 41, he received the Ten Commandments.

The Israelites wandered in the wilderness for 40 years.

Year 41, they walked into the Promised Land.

Goliath taunted Israel for 40 days. 

Day 41 came, and David slew him.

Jonah preached a message of repentance to Nineveh for 40 days. 

On day 41, God stopped His plan to destroy them.

Jesus fasted and was tempted for 40 days. 

Day 41, and the devil fled.

After His resurrection, Jesus appeared to His disciples for 40 days. 

On day 41, He ascended into Heaven.

All this to say...don't quit. The rain will stop, the giant will fall, and you will enter your "promised land." Don't give up at 40.

41 is coming.

Credit: McKenzie Miller

Shared by William James Roop

Hospice Care and Dying

The Trucking Tango

Brother Roop teaches the Bible

Books by William Roop

We are Heritics?

Hello everyone.  Praise the Lord!

I found this recently.  The battle between Monotheism and the Trinity continues! All pictures by Google commons.

Been looking at several Heretic hunter’s videos that target Oneness Pentecostalism. I find it interesting that we are heretics teaching absolute Monotheism as taught by Moses in the OT revealed as Jesus in the NT.  Our main heresy is we deny the doctrine of the Trinity which is ‘Orthodox?’ 

Matters not the word Trinity isn’t found in scriptures. 

Matters not the term Triune Godhead isn’t found in scripture. 

Matters not the Jews of the OT did not believe God was plural beings. 

Matters not the term ‘Persons’ is never applied to God in scripture. 

Matters not the Shema Deut. 6:4 declares God is one. 

Matters not Jesus proclaimed that was the greatest commandment. 

Matters not the phrase God the Son is no where in the Bible. 

Matters not we can’t find the term Eternal Son in scripture. 

Honestly we can’t find where Jesus is a member of the Godhead? 

But rather the Godhead dwells in Him? 

Yet we are heretical? 

The second heretical teaching is that baptism must be done in Jesus Name? 

Matters not Matthew wasn’t written until about 30 years after the birth of the church in Acts. 

Matters not Matthew stood with Peter on the day of Pentecost. 

Matters not Peter's message was called the Apostles’ doctrine including Matthew. 

Matters not the Apostles who heard what was said in Mt. 28;19 understood it combined with Luke 24;47 and Mk. 16;16-17. Thus they knew the NAME and baptized in that NAME. 

Matters not Peter was given the keys of the kingdom by Jesus. 

Matters not Peter in Acts 2 had received the Spirit of truth that would bring to remembrance what Jesus had said. 

Matters not every NT convert was baptized in Jesus name. 

Matters not every reference to baptism in the Epistles refer to being baptized into Christ NOTHING mentioned about the Trinity? 

All historical records vindicate the church of the 1st century baptized in Jesus name. 

But we are heretics? 

William James Roop

Hospice Care and Dying

The Trucking Tango

Exodus 14

Hello everyone.  Praise the Lord!

And every obstacle is an opportunity for people of faith.

A “teachable moment” for all time

Exodus 14 is a chapter that changed the world.

Before the cataclysmic events of this narrative, the Jews were enslaved to the mightiest empire the world had ever known. After this chapter, they were an empowered people protected by the mighty God of the universe. Their lives and destiny would never be the same.

After God parted the Red Sea and destroyed the Egyptian army, the people responded to their deliverance with praise: “Then Moses and the people of Israel sang this song to the Lord, saying, ‘I will sing to the Lord, for he has triumphed gloriously; the horse and his rider he has thrown into the sea. The Lord is my strength and my song, and he has become my salvation; this is my God, and I will praise him, my father’s God, and I will exalt him” (Exodus 15:1-2).


Unfortunately, it took only three days and a lack of water for the people to complain against Moses (vv. 22-24). But Moses, unlike the people, knew that the God who stopped the Red Sea could provide water in the wilderness. He “cried to the Lord, and the Lord showed him a log, and he threw it into the water, and the water became sweet” (v. 25).

Then God used this “teachable moment” to make “a statute and a rule” for all time: “If you will diligently listen to the voice of the Lord your God, and do that which is right in his eyes, and give ear to his commandments and keep all his statutes, I will put none of the diseases on you that I put on the Egyptians, for I am the Lord, your healer” (vv. 25-26).

Who are your Egyptians?

These miraculous events are God’s strategy for us when we face the Egyptians of our day.

First, view opposition as opportunity.

Even though the Jewish people were following God’s explicit will, the enemy nonetheless pursued them and threatened their very existence. We should expect spiritual Egyptians to attack us every day (Ephesians 6:12). But such challenges show us our need for God and draw us to him in faith. And, as Jesus said, persecution “will be your opportunity to bear witness” (Luke 21:13).

Second, remember what God has done so we can trust him for what he will do.

His nature does not change: “Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever” (Hebrews 13:8). If he has forgiven your sins in the past, he will forgive them in the present (1 John 1:9). If he has met your needs before, he will meet them again (Philippians 4:19). All he has done, he can still do.

Third, “diligently listen to the voice of the LORD your God” (Exodus 15:26).

The Word Biblical Commentary translates “diligently listen” as “pay close and committed attention to his voice.” The question is not whether God will speak to us, but whether we will choose to listen.

Fourth, obey his word and will.

If we “do what is right in his eyes,” we position ourselves to experience his best for us. Such provision is not legalism but grace. As we noted yesterday, we cannot earn God’s favor, but we can receive it.

Who are the Egyptians in your life today?

NOTE: There is a New Testament parallel to this Old Testament miracle. Jesus entered Jerusalem on Palm Sunday and left the tomb on Easter Sunday, and the world has never been the same. He came to “destroy the works of the devil” (1 John 3:8), defeating our spiritual enemy by dying for our sins and rising from our grave.

William James Roop, M.A.B.S.

Roop-Crappell Ministries

Hospice Care and Dying

The Trucking Tango

Apostolic Theological Seminary