Must Wives Always Obey Their Husbands?

Hello everyone.  Praise the Lord!

MUST WIVES ALWAYS OBEY THEIR HUSBAND? 

Let's examine some of the husbands and wives as recorded in the law.

Peter cites Sarah as a model wife whose worthy example Christian wives could follow. "Even as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord: whose daughters ye are, as long as ye do well, and are not afraid with any amazement''' (1 Peter 3:6).

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It is possible to lift this one verse out and say, "See, the wife is to obey her husband just as Sarah obeyed Abraham." But does it mean the wife doesn't have any right to speak her own mind? Some would leave the impression the wife never has a right to express her thoughts, that she's under the rule — the obedience — the domination — and is nothing much more than a slave. But that isn't what Peter is saying. 

Let's see what the law says:  GENESIS 16:5,6

5 And Sarai said unto Abram, My wrong be upon thee:

I have given my maid into thy bosom; and when she saw that she had conceived, I was despised in her eyes: the Lord judge between me and thee.

6 But Abram said unto Sarai, Behold, thy maid is in thy hand; do to her as it pleaseth thee. And when Sarai dealt hardly with her, she fled from her face.

Here we see Abram letting Sarai have her own way. He isn't dominating her like some warlord.

From the 16th chapter of Genesis through the 21st, there is an account of a disagreement. At its climax, we see that Abraham gave in to his wife's contention, and let her have her own way. And we see that God justified not him, but her.

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GENESIS 21:10-12

10 Wherefore she said unto Abraham, Cast out this bond- woman and her son: for the son of this bondwoman shall not be heir with my son, even with Isaac.

11 And the thing was very grievous in Abraham's sight because of his son.

12 And God said unto Abraham, Let it not be grievous in thy sight because of the lad, and because of thy bond- woman; in all that Sarah hath said unto thee, hearken unto her voice; for in Isaac shall thy seed be called. 

God told Abraham, one time at least, to listen to his wife. According to this, Sarah ruled her husband on this occasion. And God approved of it. As He always does when a wife is right. God always approves of right. 

Some ministers, Full Gospel, Spirit filled, I'm ashamed to say, have told me a woman ought to do whatever her husband says, no matter what. They have told me personally that if the husband tells his wife to sleep with another man, she ought to do it, because the Bible says for her to obey him. That is an insult to my intelligence. God will never side in with wrong. And that would be violating one of His Ten Commandments.

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One fellow said to me, "If a husband asks his wife to drink with him, she ought to drink with him. If he wants her to go to the bar, she should go." Another man said, "If an unsaved husband tells his wife not to go to church, she's not to go. If he tells her not to read the Bible, she's not to read it. She is to obey him to the letter."

(These things have been said to me personally — I'm not talking about what somebody comes to me and says somebody said. You can understand that these opinions have created no little confusion.)

I say in reply, "Bosh and tommyrot!"

Peter gave Sarah as an example. Let's take it then. When Sarah was right, God sided in with her. God is not going to side in with the husband when the husband is wrong any more than He will side in with the wife when she is wrong.

Thank God for good wives! They don't need to be put down. Oh, I know there are some bossy wives, but if their husbands don't know how to take care of them, let them go ahead and be henpecked! You see, it is the husband's problem. There's no use in downgrading all wives because of a few exceptions. And it is the responsibility of the husbands to take care of that — not the responsibility of the preachers.

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If a man wants to be henpecked, it's his business and no one else's. I have no more business trying to manage another man's wife than I have managing some other fellow's money. We can lay down principles, of course. But I think there are some men who rather enjoy being henpecked. If they do — let them enjoy it. I don't like it myself.

Yet I respect my wife, and I respect her opinion. Once she had to put her foot down and speak up to me. God had dealt with me back in 1947 and '48 about leaving the pastorate and going out in a field ministry. He had spoken to me about healing and had given me some instructions about ministering to the sick. It was the burden of my heart.

But I made a mistake. I went to the wrong meeting. (You can make a mistake sometimes going to the wrong church, the wrong convention, or the wrong meeting.) It was a midwinter prayer and Bible conference. Almost every person who preached spoke against healing meetings. And at the last, the man who stood at the head ventured to say that just one person shouldn't pray for the sick — just one individual shouldn't lay hands on them — everyone should pray and lay hands on them, and then when God healed them He'd get all the glory.

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Everything I heard downgraded me. I can understand how women must feel at times — they've gone to church, been put down, and wished they hadn't gone. After two or three days, I went back home. My resignation had already been submitted, and my wife had been packing while I was away.

"Just unpack," I said, "We're not going."

"You're not?"

"No, I'm not. The church wants me to stay and I'll stay. And another thing — from this moment on, I'm never going to pray for the sick again. I'll never lay hands on another person the longest day I live. If someone insists on being anointed with oil, I'll get the deacons to come and anoint him."

My wife could see that I was out of sorts. "No!" she said. "We're not going to stay with this church." I was taken aback. She'd never acted like that in her life. And she hasn't acted that way since. But she needed to act that way on this occasion, and God sided in with her.

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"No — I'm not going to unpack," she said. "And yes — we are going to leave this church. And yes — you are going to obey God. That's what you're going to do!"

I stood there speechless. She didn't ordinarily talk like that. But, to tell the truth about it, if she'd let me rule over the situation, we'd have both been in a mess. She was right. And she put a little vigor into me. I went ahead and obeyed God.

Sarah ruled over her husband in the situation we read about — and God approved of it. My wife ruled over me on this occasion — and God approved of it. God always sides in with right. He will never take the part of wrong. If He did, then He would be wrong.

Did you notice, too, that Sarah did not suffer in silence and servile subjection, but spoke her mind as she had a right to do "as also saith the law." It is recorded in the Pentateuch.

The first chapter of First Samuel records that when Hannah, the mother of Samuel, had a little difference with her husband, she spoke her mind and had her way. It proved out to be God's way.

Abigail was a wise woman whose husband was a fool. (There are some cases like that.) The Bible calls him a "son of Belial." By disobeying her husband, she saved a critical situation and won the favor of David. If she'd listened to her husband, there would have been much bloodshed.

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1 SAMUEL 25:32,33

32 And David said to Abigail, Blessed be the Lord God of Israel, which sent thee this day to meet me:

33 And blessed be thy advice, and blessed be thou, which hast kept me this day from coming to shed blood, and from avenging myself with mine own hand.

Read the whole story from your Bible and notice that God is standing on the side with Abigail — even though she disobeyed her husband.

It is not a sane argument that every wife must always obey her husband in everything. 

 The Woman Question 

by Kenneth E. Hagin

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William James Roop

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Repentance of Abimelech

Hello everyone. Praise the Lord!

 Abraham and Abimelech and the Power of Repentance

Genesis 20

The mighty hand of God had come in judgment by raining sulfur on the tribal cities of Sodom and Gomorrah. The people in those cities were completely given over to the worst kinds of sin and evil behavior. God had agreed not to judge the cities if ten righteous people could be found in them, and not even that was possible. Imagine what it was like to look down on the plains of Sodom and Gomorrah and see the devastation…the thick smoke rolling up into the sky, the stench of sulfur carried on the wind. The people of Sodom and Gomorrah would no longer be allowed to commit evil and violence against each other and pollute God’s world with their sin.  

Abraham moved his clan to a place called Negev and settled near the city of Gerar. Once again, as he had in Egypt, Abraham feared that men would treat him badly when they saw the beauty of his wife (see Story 21). In a world with no television or internet, with no pictures or magazines or forms of entertainment that we have become used to, the presence of a beautiful woman was a very powerful thing, and rare. Abraham was aware of her effect when she walked in a room, and how it might spark the envy of every man in it. It felt dangerous. Once again, in order to protect himself, Abraham put Sarah at risk. He explained to the people of Gerar that Sarah was his sister. Instead of being a source of envy, Abraham had turned himself into the brother that could give his beautiful sister away in marriage.  

The plan backfired, just as it had in Egypt. When the king of Gerar saw Sarah, he wanted her for his own. And why not? She was the sister of the wealthy traveler who had come to his region to live. He did not understand that he was in danger of violating another man’s wife. And so, caught in his lie, Abraham handed Sarah over.

Imagine what it was like to be Sarah at that moment. Did she feel betrayed, once again, by her cowardly husband? Afraid of what this unknown king might do to her? Insulted that her life was being treated with so little worth?

What was it like for Abraham, to give his wife over, not knowing what was going to happen to her, but so full of fear that he let it happen anyway? Abraham had spent many years refusing to give in to the corrupt customs of all the tribes around him. In his commitment to God’s covenant, he had refused to take more wives in order to have children. He had lived by faith that God would provide. But now he was putting all of that at risk. Sarah was the chosen wife of God’s covenant with Abraham, and yet he was handing her over to the arms of this new king.

It is not as if he had no other choices. What else could he have done? He could have gone somewhere else…he could have admitted his deception…he could have repented and apologized…he could have trusted God in the first place.

Even though Abraham was unfaithful, God would would show himself to be utterly faithful. The Lord would stand in resolute commitment to His covenant promises. The chaos created by humanity because of our weakness cannot thwart the strength of God in our history. 

The Lord came to King Abimelech and warned him in a dream. He said, “‘You are as good as dead because of the woman you have taken; she is a married woman.’” Abimelech hadn’t touched Sarah, so he asked God, “‘Lord, will you destroy an innocent nation? Did he not say to me, ‘She is my sister,’ and didn’t she also say, ‘He is my brother’? I have done this with a clear conscience and clean hands.’” 

God replied, “‘Yes, I know you did this with a clear conscience. That is why I did not let you touch her. Now return the man’s wife, for he is a prophet, and he will pray for you and you will live. But if you do not return her, you may be sure that you and all yours will die.’” Wow.  

Isn’t it interesting that God protected Abimelech from sin? Apparently, he stopped Abimelech from committing the sin in the first place, and then he came to warn him and give him a chance to take another road. Isn't it fascinating that it was because God knew Abimelech was innocent in his heart? God understands the complexities of life in a very messed up and complex human world. He sees clearly through the confusion of life around us. We don't see a harsh, legalist God here. He stakes his judgment on the condition of our hearts and the nature of our intentions.

What would Abimelech do now?

The Bible makes sure we know that the very next morning, bright and early, without hesitation, Abimelech brought together all of his officials and told them about his dream. His obedience to God was immediate. He didn't wait a few days. He didn't forget or disregard the voice of God because it came in the form of the dream. And when he told his officials, he explained in a way that made them take it seriously, too. It filled them with fear. They each had a reverence for this God who had come to their king. Their counsel led Abimelech to take action.

Abimelech called for Abraham and asked, “‘What have you done to us? How have I wronged you that you have brought such great guilt upon me and my kingdom? You have done things to me that should not be done.’” 

Abimelech and his people had a high and godly view of marriage. The thought of violating the marriage covenant between Abraham and Sarah was horrifying. How could Abraham have been so quick to give his wife away?

When we look at the role Abraham plays in human history, it is stunning. Abraham was the great patriarch, the man with whom God made his mighty covenant to change the world. Later on in the Bible, Abraham would be described as the great man of faith that all believers can look back to as an example of how to live before God (See Isaiah 51:1-3, Hebrews 11:8-12, and Romans 4). He would be famous for his faith for thousands of years across three of the world's major religions. In fact, he could be said to be the first founder of all three. (He was father of Judaism, which is the parent faith of Christianity and Islam.) Yet in this story, as a normal man facing peril, he is righteously rebuked by a common tribal king for his lack of faith.

Abraham explained to Abimelech that he didn’t think Abimelech’s people feared the LORD. He said that he was afraid that they would kill him to get to Sarah. He told how he asked Sarah to show her love to him by telling everyone that he was her brother.

This was partly true. Sarah was the daughter of Abraham’s father, but they had different mothers. In those days, marriage within a family was a way of protecting and providing for their children.

Abraham was admitting that he had lacked faith. He didn’t trust that God would watch over and protect him. .

Abimelech returned Sarah to Abraham. In some ways, he was more protective of Sarah than Abraham had been. Then he gave Abraham sheep and cattle, male and female slaves, and he offered Abraham his first choice of his lands. He could live wherever he wanted in Gerah.  

And for Sarah, he gave a thousand shekels of silver to Abraham for the offense of taking his wife into his harem. That was an extravagant amount of wealth. It was enough to pay a hundred laborers to work for an entire year. Sarah was well vindicated for this terrible violation of her safety and dignity.

How greatly Abraham had misjudged Abimelech, as well as God. Abimelech and his men feared the LORD and listened when God came in a dream. They responded immediately with repentant obedience and went out of their way to lavishly make things right. They are a beautiful model of what true repentance looks like.

It interesting to compare how different these people were from the people of Sodom and Gomorrah. There is a reason that these stories are put right next to each other in scripture. We are meant to compare them and look at the way God responded to each. The comparison is meant to highlight important things about what draws God's judgment or favor...it is meant to display the goodness of His ways when dealing with a wayward humanity and to teach us how we are to come to Him for right relationship.

The nation of Sodom (which was probably more like what we would consider a large village in our time) had become so corrupt that when two strangers came to visit their city, the men of the city laid siege to the home where they were staying and demanded their right to rape them. That was considered normal and acceptable. Imagine the horrors of every day life there...the violence, abuse, and toxic immorality...of such a place. What those men did not understand was that these two visitors were actually the angels of God. They had come to warn Abraham's nephew to leave the city before they brought God's fiery, cleansing judgment against a despicable culture that had plunged the entire community in utter, irreversible bondage to deeply evil beliefs and patterns of behavior.

But that story wasn't Abraham's first encounter with the people of Sodom and Gomorrah. In fact, he had already saved their lives. Long before that story Abraham had already rescued the people of Sodom and Gomorrah after they had been defeated by a foreign army (see Genesis 14). Even though he had put his own life and the lives of his men at risk for them, they tried to demand that he give them the booty from the war. According to the rules of that time, the booty belonged to Abraham. The booty was considered the proper reward for risking battle and winning. It was a form of despicable ungratefulness and greed for the people of Sodom and Gomorrah to try to take from the man that saved them.

The hardness of their hearts was already so complete that when God brought them a savior, they had no vision for repentance. They could have seen the higher ways of Abraham and the strength it gave him to conquer kings. They could have witnessed the honorable and godly relationship between Abraham and Melchizedek, the great priest of Salem, and been humbled by their dignity. God had intervened in their lives with his servants, and it was an opportunity for them to change. They rejected that opportunity, and ultimately, it led to their total destruction.

Abimelech and his officials did not make that mistake. When God showed up, they repented. They honored the God of Abraham, altered their behavior, and were saved from judgment.

Just as the Lord said, Abraham prayed for Abimelech and his household. Isn’t it interesting that in spite of his sin, God used Abraham to be a part of the solution? God had placed some form of curse on Abimelech's household. His wife and the women of his slave girls could not have children. God heard Abraham’s pray and the household of Abimelech was healed. In the process, God restored not only Abimelech's people, but the dignity and position of Abraham as the man of God's choosing.

The faith of Abraham had failed. When we see the heart of this godly man in the middle of his fears, it is easier to understand that he was very much a normal human. All of his great, courageous acts and steadfast, ongoing faithfulness were done by a man who also feared death and longed for peace. His failure in this story highlights the fact that in all of the other stories, Abraham was also having to make hard decisions in the quietness of his heart...he was having to choose faith instead of fear.

God knew about all of those hundreds of silent decisions to trust Him, and He had grace and protection for Abraham when he failed.

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